Week 3, Day 3 – Livin’ by Forgivin’
Okay, I love quizzes. So, of course I had to take a quiz to see how forgiving I am! (http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/quizzes/take_quiz/2) My results were as I thought, I’m pretty quick to forgive, but there are times when I simply withdrawal from the person that hurts me. As I look back over the years of instances when I’ve withdrawn instead of readily forgiving, I tried to find a common link to what would possibly be causing the hesitation. For me, the link was more about self-preservation, and pride.
When I am completely honest with myself, I can admit I wasn’t quick to forgive because maybe, just maybe, there was an inkling of truth in the hurtful words or actions against me. I didn’t want to forgive because I believed what they thought was true, and to forgive made me feel vulnerable and admit they are right, and I am wrong. Withdrawing myself from the person was a much easier action. It gave me the ability to preserve / control my own image of who I am and who I want others to think I am.
Maybe you can relate to this statement – I don’t like to be wrong and I don’t like to open myself to vulnerability.
Both are extremely hard and taxing. This group has certainly opened me to a lot of vulnerable moments. Everyday I post my thoughts and then I think, oh I shouldn’t have done that. I should have written something different, or kept my personal experience out of it. Everyone is going to find me annoying, petty, or even stupid. GASP. I know, right; my internal dialogue needs a lot of forgiveness?!
The first week was a huge growth moment for me. Every day after I posted, I felt completely drained. (Like I had a vulnerability hangover or something. – see video link below 😉 ) Now, as we are in the third week, it is easier to share. Not easy, but easier. I still feel vulnerable, but it feels different. It feels empowering now instead of fearful. The change came when I found out my world did not end after posting. Instead of feeling fearful or insecure, I am able to feel good that I released the thoughts from my head and put them into words. I tied the thoughts together to make a point and a point that is helping me find a way to give again.
Brene Brown, Ph.D., has an enlightening talk on her research and what she found out about Vulnerability. It’s about 20 minutes in length, but way better to watch than me summarizing it for you. Please watch it from her website here: http://www.brenebrown.com and click on the Tedx Houston video on Vulnerability.
*Mindful Moments – What stigma do you personally hold for vulnerability? Can you think of a few people that have shown vulnerability in their life? What was your reaction and thought of them during that moment? Do you see any advantage to allowing yourself to become more vulnerable in your everyday life? What about when it’s time to forgive?
*Grateful Graces – What are you thankful for today?
to be continued…Week 3, Day 4 – #Time2Forgive
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