I Turn 37 Today

Today is my birthday.  I’m turning 37.  Although, I’ve been saying I’m 37 for awhile now.  I no longer felt stuck in the immaturity of my mid-thirties.  (Wink!)  Now that I’m in my late 30’s, and the wisdom is pumping itself into my veins, I’ve decided the best thing I can give myself today is ACCEPTANCE.

So, here it goes – I accept:

  1.  I’m not an optimist.  No matter how hard I try, sometimes I just can’t keep down the vomit towards those perky, uplifting and sometimes delusional, positive vibes that are plastered all over the place.  I’M A REALIST.  I may be more of an optimistic realist, but really, I’m just a realist.
  2. Luck is not on my side.  Perhaps this ties into me not being an optimist, but the facts are the facts, my friends.  It’s not that I think I am unlucky, I just never seem to catch a break.  It would be really nice, just once, for something wonderful to happen without a ton of sweat and tears attached to it.  But, I realize, because I’m a realist, that ain’t gonna happen.  What’s the quote by Thomas Edison?  “Genius is 99% Perspiration, 1% Inspiration.”  Hard work is inevitable and necessary.
  3. I am fallible, and so are my choices.  By accepting that I can’t, and shouldn’t, expect too much from myself, or falling into the trap of finding / attaining the perfect house, car, wardrobe, body, school for my kids, job, ______________, fill-in-the blank here, I can relax.  There is no perfect anything.  The sooner I embrace this, the happier I can be as I move into a new phase of my life – starting a new career.  The esteem that I need from defining myself as a writer, an accountant, or whatever comes my way, will better serve me and my family when I realize satisfaction can come from any path.  There is no one thing I’m destined to be / do.
  4. I need LOTS AND LOTS of space.  I’m an introvert.  Always have been.  But, for awhile, I tried to be an extrovert.  My life as a trailing spouse depended on it.  Or, so I thought – It takes an outgoing, lively personality to constantly show up in foreign countries, jump in, experience crazy stuff and take ‘full’ advantage of the time spent in one place.  Constantly going against my nature made me miserable.  I was depressed, depleted and despondent.  The overwhelming aspects of my husband’s career kept me secluded and isolated, but by my choice.  I still experience each country and post to it’s ‘fullest’.  But, on my terms and at my pace.  Listening to, and trying to live up to, other peoples expectations only hurt me.  Today, I recognize and acknowledge I’ve never felt like I missed out on any ‘necessary’ experience, from any post; even if I spent a majority of my time alone.
  5. I’m not the best person, mother, wife or friend.  Getting married fairly young by today’s standards (I was 24) and having my kids in my 20’s, there was still a lot of maturing I needed to do along the way.  Over the years, and overcoming the challenges I’ve faced, I can proudly say that my faults are part of what makes me who ‘me’ is.  Just like the wrong grammar in the previous sentence, it doesn’t change the outcome of your understanding.  It might not be the most eloquent way to communicate, but it’s there and it’s effort.  Effort is all I have to give.  If someone doesn’t ‘like’ the effort I have to offer, I don’t believe that is my problem.  I already mentioned I’m a realist, who’s not very lucky, but fallible and introverted.  What do they expect?

 

I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live up to what light I have.

– Abraham Lincoln

 

Until next time –

Simply live,

Carla

 

Before I could accept myself today, I first had to forgive myself.  You can read about that here  and / or here.

7 thoughts on “I Turn 37 Today

  1. Jodi says:

    Very true to my soul – I think in many ways you have found many truths that are also my truths. Very few understand those truths. I hope you have a wonderful birthday. Perhaps you will reach self-actualization. At your young age it is possible.

    Liked by 1 person

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