There is so much on my heart today, I don’t even know where to start. I’ve tried writing this post for about three hours now and I just keep pressing the delete button. Nothing seems worthy enough to share, or at least written in a blog worthy approach. My words seem distracted and separated from myself. Perhaps it is my way of detaching myself from the hurt and pain of the last decade. That’s when the tale of two blogs started, almost ten years ago when I received news I was expecting my second child.
Baby news is usually a pretty exciting thing to share, but for me, it made me anxious. I could just feel that something was off and not right. I couldn’t justify my anxiety with any tangible results, it was too early to tell. Call it mother’s intuition, or gut feelings, but I just knew.
Into my second trimester, I was asked to have my blood work done by a local clinic in Ghana. A few days later, I received an early morning phone call (on Valentine’s Day, no less). My results showed that I was outside the normal parameters and that most likely my baby was brain dead. The nurse told me, over the phone, that I would need to fly to London and have an emergency abortion.
I hung up the phone and tried desperately to reach my husband. After three failed attempts, I sat at the desk in my living room and cried. The longest half hour of my life left me unable to move, talk or get breakfast for my three year old son. When the phone rang, I expected it to be my husband.
The nurse was on the other end of the call. Apparently, there was a mistake on my blood work forms. The information for my weight and height were input on the American system of pounds and inches. After recalculating and adjusting the numbers into the metric system put me and my baby in the normal category. Relieved, but questioning the process, I was told it would be best to fly to London and have all tests run another time. YES, I thought. Let’s have a do-over, somewhere else. PLEASE.
The next day I left on a flight to England, hopeful for a better outcome.
Sorry, folks. But, I’m going to have to stop there today. This is as much of the story I can handle for one day. Please check back tomorrow for Part 2.
Until tomorrow –